Every week, I receive emails from readers who say that they’re ready to declutter but their other half wants nothing to do with it. And they have no idea how to start – short of decluttering their family members altogether!
It’s a tricky situation? You’re ready for a clutter-free home, but your partner doesn’t even see the chaos behind their massive collection of DVDs.
You’re not alone in this struggle! Many people have partners who don’t share the same enthusiasm for decluttering, and that’s totally okay.
The good news is that you can absolutely make progress without turning it into a battleground. Yep, you don’t have to chuck your other half out just yet.
In this post, I’ll share some practical tips and strategies to help you encourage your non-minimalist partner to declutter – without all the arguments or frustration.
You might also like:
- 25 Ways To Make Life Easier For You & Your Family
- 12 Unexpected Benefits of Minimalism
- 120 Easy Things to Declutter Right Now (Free Checklist)
- 10 Simple Steps to Creating a Minimalist Family Home
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Before we jump into the tips, let’s remember one thing: your partner isn’t the enemy. They may genuinely struggle with letting go of things for sentimental, practical, or even subconscious reasons. I was once like this too – way too much stuff, but refusing to let anything go.
It’s really important to approach this as a team effort. Now, let’s get started on turning “I can’t throw that away!” into “Maybe I don’t really need this after all.”
1. Discuss the Benefits
People don’t just wake up one day and think, “You know what would be fun? Decluttering!” You need to sell the idea and the benefits that decluttering can have.
Does decluttering mean more space for hobbies, fewer stressful mornings trying to figure out what to wear, or maybe a cleaner space for hosting friends?
Connect decluttering to your partner’s values and lifestyle.
For example:
- Less stress because clutter overloads the brain (yep, science says so).
- Save money by avoiding duplicate buys or items buried in the chaos.
- More free time when you’re not constantly tidying or hunting for lost items.
- Less work because everything in your house comes with a job.
A personalised pitch can make all the difference. Maybe your partner isn’t thrilled about minimalism, but they’ll definitely appreciate being able to find lost items they thought were lost forever.
I also think it’s important to let your partner know your specific reasons needing a more simplified home. Before I started my own minimalist journey, I was in a constant state of overwhelm.
I had too much clutter, and the mess in my home was adding to my stress levels. I was unhappy.
If this sounds like you, you should explain it to your spouse. I imagine they would never want you to feel this way and would be open to getting involved in the decluttering process.
2. Set Shared Goals
Teamwork makes the dream work, folks. Before you start chucking things left, right and centre, sit down together and discuss what you both want for your home.
- Do you want a relaxing, calm bedroom?
- Minimalist spaces you can retreat to?
- A kitchen where the countertops aren’t a dumping ground?
- A living room you’re not embarrassed to have guests in?
Create a vision that strikes a balance between your minimalist dreams and their non-minimalist tendencies.
Pro tip: Make goals tangible. “Declutter the spare room so we can turn it into a cosy movie nook” sounds way more exciting than just saying, “Let’s throw stuff out.”
3. Start Small
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and your partner likely isn’t going to part ways with their 50 gadget chargers overnight.
Start with a small, easy zone – think a single drawer. You know that ‘miscellaneous junk drawer’ everyone has?
Baby steps show that decluttering isn’t as scary as it seems. And once your partner experiences the satisfaction (and extra space) from decluttering, I’m sure they’ll want to get on board for bigger projects.
4. Respect Their Space
Here’s a hard truth for the minimalists at heart – you can’t “tidy up” someone’s personal space without dragging resentment into the mix. You can only get rid of your own stuff.
Does your partner have specific “zones” in the house? Maybe their bookshelf, workspace, or that infamous “junk drawer”? Respect their space by letting them take ownership of decluttering it (with a gentle shove, of course!). You can’t just go in, guns blazing, trash bag to hand, and start getting rid of everything.
Instead, focus on neutral zones first – common areas like the living room or dining room. This makes it less personal and easier for them to participate.
5. Incorporate Their Ideas
Minimalists and non-minimalists often clash because the latter feels excluded from the process. It can seem as though we’re just trying to chuck things out without any thought.
Solution? Make decluttering a collaborative effort. This way, you’re transforming decluttering from “your thing” into a team effort.
Ask your partner:
- How do they feel about getting rid of things?
- What would help them feel more comfortable with decluttering?
- Are there creative ways to repurpose sentimental items they want to keep? For example, if they’ve got boxes and boxes of old photos gathering dust in the cupboard, maybe the solution is to digitalize them.
6. Be Patient
Decluttering with a non-minimalist partner requires patience. Bucketloads of it. This is going to be a process, not a 3-day weekend challenge.
Remember, habits don’t change overnight. If your partner’s instinct is to save everything “just in case,” it’ll take time to shift that mindset. Celebrate small wins, be supportive, and try (as hard as it may seem) to avoid being pushy.
And yes, they might dig into the trash to rescue a broken lamp or decide to keep a single sock “just in case the other one shows up”. I promise, this is normal.
Keep in mind that everyone’s definition of clutter is different, and what may seem like junk to you might hold sentimental value to your partner. Just try to be understanding and open-minded.
Are you ready to simplify your life?
7. Create a System
Clutter piles up in households with no system. Work together to create storage solutions and decluttering habits that work for both of you.
For example:
- The one-in, one-out rule – If something new enters the house, something else has to go. This is my number one rule to keep clutter at bay and encourage mindful spending.
- Visible storage bins – For items like shoes or craft supplies. Even if you both decide to keep these items, storage bins will help to keep them organised and not look messy.
- Monthly declutter dates – Ok I know it’s no lush dinner in a restaurant, but it’s a fun way to make sure the clutter doesn’t get out of control.
8. Compromise
Okay, here’s a big one… Minimalism and non-minimalism have to meet in the middle. If they can’t say goodbye to their old CDs, maybe there’s space for them in the attic or a keepsake box.
Likewise, be willing to compromise on how hardcore the minimalism needs to be. Maybe you’re dreaming of KonMari-level minimalism, but meeting halfway might look more like pared-down clutter instead of zero clutter.
Ultimately, finding balance is key—you want a home that’s both functional and reflective of both your preferences.
9. Reflect (and Have Fun!)
Once you’ve decluttered a space, take a moment to enjoy the result together. Reflect on how it feels to have a cleaner, lighter space.
Better yet, create a fun memory around the process. For instance, once you tackle the kitchen, celebrate with a fancy dinner. Or if you’ve reclaimed your spare room, invite friends over to show off your new space.
Making the experience enjoyable and rewarding will help them develop more positive associations with decluttering.
Build a Home That Works for Both of You
Decluttering with a non-minimalist partner is probably going to feel like an uphill battle, but if you follow the above helpful tips, it is possible to create a home that suits both of your lifestyles.
Approach the process with kindness, and who knows? You might just inspire your partner to adopt the minimalist mindset.
Here’s to reclaiming your home – one sock, knick-knack, or mystery cable at a time.
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