We need to start saying thank you instead of sorry, and I’m challenging you to a Not-Sorry September!
We’re all taught from a young age to say sorry when we make mistakes. And to say thank you when someone does something nice or gives you something. Right?
But somewhere along the line the ‘I’m sorry’s’ seem to have multiplied with the ‘thank you’s’ almost diminished.
As we go about our days, we are constantly apologising for the most ridiculous things. We say sorry when someone bumps into us, or when we miss someone’s phone call.
We have become a culture of people who apologise for everything.
I’m sorry I’m late, I’m sorry for taking so much of your time, I’m sorry it took me so long.
This constant apologising has gotten out of control and needs to stop! It’s time we start saying thank you instead of sorry.
Now, before we delve into this further, don’t get me wrong. We must obviously still apologise when we’ve made a mistake or done something to hurt someone. This isn’t about eliminating all apologies, it’s about learning when to say sorry and when it’s not necessary.
Table of Contents
Why we say sorry when it’s not necessary?
Most people apologise reflexively if someone bumps into them or if someone gets in their way while walking, for example. We deep-down know it isn’t necessary, but we feel the need to say sorry anyway.
We apologise to avoid conflict and after a while it’s become just a standard part of our communication.
This is due, in large part, to the emphasis we put on being polite. Saying sorry is seen as an important way to be nice and make people feel good. And if it makes someone feel better about whatever has happened, then saying sorry is worth it, right?
Except that it doesn’t always make someone feel good. When someone apologises to me and it’s not necessary, I feel awkward and feel bad for making them feel bad!
Sorry is not worth it. This problem of over-apologising can detract from what’s really important – the issue at hand and our relationships with other people. When we constantly say sorry for no reason, will it be sincere when we truly are sorry?
Saying sorry often helps to diffuse uncomfortable situations, but it isn’t always necessary or appropriate. If you find yourself constantly apologising in certain situations, it’s time to stop!
7 swaps to say thank you instead of sorry
Have you ever replied to a message saying ‘Sorry I didn’t reply earlier’ or get invited out but you say ‘Sorry, I can’t’? I know I have. I probably say sorry 10 times a day when I really have no reason to be sorry.
Here are 7 swaps you can make to say thank you instead of sorry:
1. Instead of ‘Sorry I didn’t reply to your message earlier’, say ‘Thank you for your message, I had hoped to respond sooner’.
2. Instead of ‘Sorry I don’t have that ready for you today’, say ‘Thank you for your patience with this’.
3. Instead of ‘Sorry I can’t make it tonight’, say ‘Thank you for your invite, but maybe next time’.
4. Instead of ‘Sorry for being so emotional’ say ‘Thank you for being there for me’
5. Instead of ‘Sorry I’m late’, say ‘Thank you for waiting for me’.
6. Instead of ‘Sorry I’m talking so much’, say ‘Thank you for listening to me’.
7. Instead of ‘Sorry for bothering you with my questions’, say ‘Thank you for your assistance’.
What happens when we start saying thank you instead of sorry?
When we start saying thank you instead of sorry, a number of things can happen.
Firstly, we become more confident, because we’re not trying to appease people. It’s a subtle thing, but you’ll notice the difference in how you interact with other people.
It also changes our internal perspective on life and improves our self-worth. We start to value what we have and stop taking things for granted so much.
It helps us to stop judging ourselves and others so harshly. Our harshest critic is often ourselves and this type of self-talk needs to stop!
Saying thank you instead of sorry will help you see the good in the world around you and within yourself too. Soon enough, everyone around you will notice the change in your attitude!
Conclusion
Saying thank you instead of sorry will change your life and improve your perspective. It is a small thing that goes a long way to making this world a better place.
A simple change of words can make all the difference in how people react to us and how we feel about ourselves. If everyone took the time each day to sincerely express gratitude towards someone they know, we would soon see a shift in the way we see the world.
Have you noticed that people are nicer when we say thank you instead of sorry? How do you deal with being overly apologetic? Let me know in the comments below!
CHALLENGE TIME
I’m challenging you to a Not Sorry September! For the whole month of September, I want you to be more mindful when it comes to apologizing and why you’re saying sorry. Is it necessary? Have I done something wrong? Can I twist this into a positive thank you instead?
I would love for you to let me know what you think and how you get on with the Challenge! If you’re finding it difficult and need some help, send me an email at [email protected].
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Don’t Take Life For Granted: 15 Ways To Enjoy The Simple Things In Life
I love this post so much! I say sorry far too often so I’m definitely doing to keep these tips in mind x
Thanks Della!
I love this!! I’ve becoming very aware of how much I say sorry in my professional life (with my blog) and it’s something I’ve really tried to cut back on when I notice it. I like to say “thank you for your patience” when I’m a little late replying to an email but it’s definitely a hard habit to keep up. I’ll definitely be doing my best with no-sorry September!
Thanks so much Jenny! You’re absolutely right, it’s such a hard habit to get out of doing. Please let me know how you get on with the challenge!
Loved reading this and couldn’t agree more! I am always someone that says sorry for everything and I never thought much about it until lately and it makes so much sense! Will give it a try to change it with these great examples x
Thanks so much Cristina! Let me know how you get on!
This is such a great post and something that I hadn’t thought of before but it makes sense. I know that I say sorry way too much, I’m definitely going to try replacing it with a thank you!
Thanks Stacey! That’s great to hear you’re up for the challenge 🙂
I have definitely fallen into that trap of saying sorry too often. I love the points you’ve made and will definitely give it a try of saying thank you instead.
Thanks Kelly! Let me know how the switch goes for you 🙂
Thanks Kelly!
This is such an interesting read! When it comes to emails/messages I’m quite mindful about apologising and will always say thanks for bearing with me or something along those lines. I could definitely do with putting this into practice in real life though. I’m so quick to apologise normally.
Claire.x
Thanks Claire! It’s so interesting how we sometimes have a different mentality when it comes to our professional lives and our personal lives.
As a serial apologiser myself, I needed to read this! 😀
I’m glad you found it then! Thanks for reading 🙂
I love this change in perspective by simply rephrasing! I’m definitely going to give this a go. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Jodie! I’m so glad you liked it 🙂
This is such a good post and one that I definitely needed to read! I apologise too much but I love the idea of saying thank you instead <3
Thanks Caroline, I hope it helps
I’m digging this perspective so much! I notice I say sorry reflexively, and my daughter claims to be twice as bad. I’ll have to share this with her to see if it helps.
I will definitely be more mindful and attempt to say thank you instead of I’m sorry.
Ah I’m so glad you liked it Melissa! I’d love to know what your daughter thinks too 🙂
Excellent post! I say sorry way too much–I think it’s part of Canadian culture to use that phrase even though it’s not necessary as you describe it above. I like the idea of changing some the “sorry” statements we use. I also believe that thanking people is very powerful both for the person being thanked and for the person doing the thanking.
Thanks Giulia! You’re right, it is really powerful for both parties involved.
I used to be an obsessive apologizer, and many of my friends still are. I noticed, while reading books on healthy boundaires, that apologies can become requests for someone to soothe my guilt. I assume they’re upset and own’t be molified unless I grovel. It’s self-protective. But when I express gratitude it’s an acknowledgement without assuming I know what someone else feels. I no longer take responsibility for their feelings away form them, and no longer burden them with my own guilt. Gratitude has positively imapcted my relationships as much, if not more than, it has impacted my own mental health.
I love how you phrase this – that you no longer take responsibility for their feelings or burden them with your guilt. Well said!
I needed this post, I always say sorry for the smallest of things, so I am definitely going to take this on board! Thank you!
That’s great Amie! Thanks for reading 🙂
There is reciprocity in everything — and if we’re open to it (and allow ourselves this kind of mindset shift) it’s incredible how this changes how we move through life. Saying thank you instead of sorry is powerful and I highly recommend anyone reading your post about it to try it out. You break it down so well here — very useful!
Thanks Molly! I’m so glad you liked it.
Love this! I feel like I definitely over apologise a lot, haha, but these seem like some great swaps to make to boost my confidence a little! I’m actually going to try the September challenge – hoping it goes well! Thanks for sharing x
You must let me know how you get on with the challenge!
I love this idea! I think that there’s definitely some psychology at play and when you thank someone instead of apologizing to them, they’ll probably feel good about themselves rather than angry or irritated with you.
That’s exactly it Katie! Thanks for reading 🙂
I love this post. I say sorry way to much and I would say in 90% of the examples you’ve given. I start text messages with sorry, say it to my family.
It’s time to stop. Thank you for this. I need a mindset change at the moment and I will add this to my list of tools x
I’m so glad you liked my post, I hope you find the mindset switch beneficial x
I LOVE this post, I think it’s so positive and something everyone needs to do more of. I am so guilty of saying sorry and I know I don’t need to be. Life is busy and things get missed, but I wouldn’t change the things I’ve done. This is a lovely post and I am ready to take on #Sorrynotsorry September! Em x
Thanks Em! I’m so happy you’re getting on board for the challenge! Let me know how you get on 🙂
This is a well thought out post with some very helpful tips on how to flip apologies into thank you’s. I’m especially happy that you provided a helpful graphic. I have screen-shot it and will keep it on my desk-top to remind me that some interactions where I would normally apologize for can be easily turned into a gracious thank-you instead.
Thanks so much! I’m really glad you found the infographic helpful. There’s definitely a lot of scenarios in work where these tips can be applied!
I love this, i just do because i did that before, i recently had a lot of toxic relationships with past friends, i never said sorry for ending our relationship i said thank you for the lovely time, lovely memories and they made me learn and know more about our choices better.
We learn so much from relationships. Some are lessons and some are only mean to last a short time, and of course some are there forever. I love your use of words you used when leaving certain relationships.
I agree! The word thank you is way much better than the word sorry. Thank you makes you polite and confident at the same time. Thank you for sharing! Good post!
Thank you Fadima 🙂
I tend to say sorry for not being active on social media (I know I don’t need to be) or slow when replying to emails or comments. Life happens and I missed many things 🙁 I love this post sooo much! I learned a lot from this. Thank you for sharing x
You never need to be sorry for taking time out for yourself Merry! I’m so glad you found my post useful.
Oh my! The title had me wondering what you were going to write about. I was not disappointed. I love changing our focus from apologizing for trivial things that no one actually notices to showing appreciation and making an impact.
Haha I’m glad you weren’t disappointed after reading the title! Thanks for reading Angel.
I like how you turned sorry statements into thank yous. Very good advice.
Thanks Jamie 🙂
Great post! As my English teacher said countless times, if you were really sorry, you wouldn’t have done it. I don’t feel the need to apologize for what I do as I live intentionally. Turning them into thank yous is an awesome mindset! xx
Your English teacher was a smart one! Thanks for reading 🙂